I should be able to shit my pants mid raid

1 : Anonymous2021/10/29 13:06 ID: qicdyv

If you’re looting containers and you find an MRE and crackers you eat them right? Well if I eat too much I should shit my pants loud enough to alert nearby players.

Instead of a blood trail you leave skid marks wherever you go and the only way to fix this is to apply TP (already in the game btw)

Nikita, realism NOW

2 : Anonymous2021/10/29 13:23 ID: hiicsyc

No. Realism is that if you eat MREs, you can't shit for days. Maybe the mystery canned stuff, but MREs will close and lock the back door.

ID: hiieyz9

Meals Refusing Exit

ID: hijawfm

The toilet paper included in an MRE is called John Wayne. It's rough, tough, and don't take shit from anyone.

ID: hiippqr

Escape from Bowls

ID: hiigoxr

13 day field exercise. Pooped once. Can confirm

ID: hiilr6c


ID: hij9h91

There is a guy on YouTube named Steve who reviews MREs (old and new) I wonder when the last time he shit was and if he’s a ticking time bomb of constipation

ID: hijwwmj

Yea i think I didn't shit for like the first 3 weeks of boot camp. Idk what chemicals they put in the chow hall food or if that's from the stress, but it was concerning

ID: hij2eg8

but MREs will close and lock the back door.

Maybe that's why nobody can get stuff from your "secure container"

ID: hijpslp

Underrated comment of the century.

ID: hiicyzt

This... they make you super fucking constipated lol

ID: hiijmv2

I wonder if it's by design. Imagine giving your position away because you shit your pants and the smell carried over.

ID: hiiihu0

I never understood why people had this problem. In boot(the only time I ever had to eat MRE's cause I had a desk job)I shit at the same times every day like clockwork. Hell, it was the most relaxing part of boot lol cause the TI's would basically not fuck with you while you were pooping as long as you didn't spend 40 minutes in there jerking off.

ID: hiirwya

The IMPs my buddy acquired at the end of a training thing gave me hershey squirts so it seems people have unique experiences with them.

ID: hiie2o4

The Mexican stew mre usually speed runs my bowels

ID: hiighkc




ID: hiih3pm

Mil vet. Can confirm

ID: hiistzc

True then if i chug 5 juices because i need backspace i should have to pee within 5 mins.

ID: hiiodzv

Don't forget that you always shit a big orange lump when you finally do.

3 : Anonymous2021/10/29 13:51 ID: hiigjkj

I should be able to shit your pants mid raid.

ID: hiipcmc

We should be able to shit their pants

ID: hiis7o2

Our pants, comrade. Da.

ID: hijxxeh

“Alright guys real funny, but for real who pissed my pants”

4 : Anonymous2021/10/29 13:12 ID: hiibf4r

Let’s follow the poop trail! Proceeds to shoot up the closest porta potty

5 : Anonymous2021/10/29 14:13 ID: hiijlpa

look into SCUM. it has this mechanic.

ID: hiilan8

and the mechanic gets "shit on" (lul) by people sometimes, but it serves a purpose. It forces you to be vulnerable in a dangerous world and plan ahead ("we're about to raid this base, everyone go to the bathroom before we get in the car!")

ID: hijhbph

everyone go to the bathroom before we get in the car!

So, it allows you to become the parent of a clan of toddlers?

ID: hiisydx

SCUM is probably the best true survival game out there to be honest. And the poop mechanic is fucking awesome.

ID: hiiw3cg

SCUM has its strong points but in general it’s way too easy. I much prefer DayZ

6 : Anonymous2021/10/29 16:22 ID: hij2u4b

You think its cool and funny until Nikita's design "team" decides you dont just have to go to toilet at some point but randomly and immediately. In the middle of a gun fight your character locks into an animation and shits on the floor.

ID: hik0ev0

fucking dying at this, thank you for this mental image

7 : Anonymous2021/10/29 14:14 ID: hiijqqb

Craft poop with ammo/melee weapon for poison damage like cultists.

ID: hij3545

thatd be fucked UP to get killed by that lol

ID: hijs5t1

Shitty way to die

8 : Anonymous2021/10/29 20:08 ID: hik1nu9


ID: hik2zmq

ok cool thanks can't wait

9 : Anonymous2021/10/29 14:18 ID: hiikd2b

Have you eaten an MRE? You ain't shitting...

10 : Anonymous2021/10/29 13:37 ID: hiienys

Tactical number two during raid? Why not!

11 : Anonymous2021/10/29 13:55 ID: hiih3k5

What are these satirical realism posts nowadays?

12 : Anonymous2021/10/29 15:20 ID: hiith7j

teammate sees your shit trail behind your steps

"Bro is that poop coming from behind you??"

"... guys I'm not saying it was me, but somebody definitely shit my pants."

13 : Anonymous2021/10/29 14:44 ID: hiio765

The bathrooms on interchange will now become pvp hot spots instead of insurance scam dropoffs

14 : Anonymous2021/10/29 15:19 ID: hiitdbb

Might as well rename the Gamma to "The Poop Shute" while we are at it. Eat to much food and your items start falling out.

15 : Anonymous2021/10/29 17:50 ID: hijgjyp

I've been saying for years that you should get a boner when you see one of the posters of half naked girls on the wall. Gives you a movement speed penalty and if you get a heavy bleed with a boner you pass out.

16 : Anonymous2021/10/29 15:39 ID: hiiwayk

Some mechanics that make sense in terms of BSGs goals for realism

Tree branches falling in high winds possibly killing players

Specs of dust disturbing players eyes commonly, must cycle an animation and apply ointment to treat, eyewear makes it less common

PMC randomly sneezes and you must tap space bar as fast as possible to hold it in before alerting enemies

PMC has a chance to become sick for typical IRL duration, colds,flu, bronchitis etc.

Chance to jam finger in lids of containers

While walking have a chance to twist ankle if not on level terrain

Turning head too often will cause neck pain

Caffeine withdrawal headaches

Urination/defecation during raid requires TP

ID: hije301

Urination/defecation during raid requires TP

I mean, to be fair, TP is a luxury during urination or defecation, not a requirement.

17 : Anonymous2021/10/29 17:44 ID: hijfmf9

Jesus fuck, just ruined my jeans and hoodie laughing at this post. Fuck.

18 : Anonymous2021/10/29 14:28 ID: hiils0p

If you drink soda you should burp and shit too. If you chug like, an entire bottle title of water, you get a side ache after running. You also get hiccups. I'd you eat too much and you're walking around and hear a gunshot, you just "HNNGGBBB" and get a movement debuff.

I can only imagine camping a building sniping acavs. You take a shot and just hear a massive fart followed by "god fucking dammit." You laugh then walk down to see a messy guy crouched in the corner and drop him some TP. He flips you off, graves the TP and closes the door.

They should also add tissue boxes and if you stare at those model posters too much, well.... You know 🙂

19 : Anonymous2021/10/29 14:23 ID: hiil349

this is what lack of updates does to motherfuckers, are u happy


20 : Anonymous2021/10/29 14:41 ID: hiino2y


21 : Anonymous2021/10/29 16:46 ID: hij6lsi

Well this is quite literally a shit post


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