1 : Anonymous2021/03/29 12:05 ID: mfo34y
2 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:14 ID: gsp175y

10 years since this game came out and I still have this entire lemon speech memorized. Half the time I can't remember to pay my phone bill on time, but by god I remember this speech.

ID: gsp1h25


ID: gsphhi8

Happi Lemon cake day! 🙂

ID: gspb7p7

I still have the Wheatley ghost story memorized, more or less, so you're in good company, at least.

ID: gspf0qm

What story is that?

ID: gspiddl

Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down...with the lemons

3 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:09 ID: gsp0l6q

Yes sir mr Johnson!

ID: gsp6vkf

"Say goodbye, Caroline."

"Goodbye, Caroline."

ID: gspc16r

And before you fellas get any ideas, she’s married... to science.

ID: gsplvxz

I laughed out loud when I heard that, as a tech support person, it was hilarious.

4 : Anonymous2021/03/29 14:54 ID: gsoymwt

They forgot to get their engineers to make a combustible lemon before they burnt the house down

ID: gsoz4nr

Lol right or did they finish it and we just never found it in the huge facility?

ID: gspcj0e

The engineers were busy building sentry turrets to kill the Black Mesa team!

ID: gspl8a7

Fun fact - All lemons are combustible if you put a grenade inside!

5 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:03 ID: gsozu1h

I was just talking to one of my friends about how amazing this game is. There isn't a single part I don't like. Wheatley and CJ are both hilarious. It's short and sweet, amazingly written and laid out, controls are on-point. 10/10.

ID: gsp9a4m


Took me a while to realize you meant Cave Johnson and not GTA San Andreas

ID: gspavuk

All you had to do was stop crushing up moon rocks, CJ!

ID: gspbkmj

Aperture Science. Home. At least it was before I fucked everything up!

ID: gsp9wpm

I feel like Cave and I are buddies so I call him CJ lolz.

ID: gsp0g4d

Couldn’t agree with you more!

ID: gspilud

I need to play it again.
I haven't played it since playing through it in a single 12-hour session the day it came out.
I didn't even realize it had been more than a couple hours until my mom came into my room and asked if I was okay.

ID: gsp521x

Yep. I'm playing the main campaign of 2 and that betrayal was something I didn't see coming.

6 : Anonymous2021/03/29 12:21 ID: gsohgft

My wife has this hanging on our bedroom wall.

ID: gsp8m2s

I used to have it hanging in my office at work.

ID: gspfumw

This is my computer desktop background. I got it the last time this was posted

ID: gsperu6

I have this version in my office.

ID: gspbaxz

I say “fuck lemons!” and bail.

ID: gsohivd

That’s awesome!

7 : Anonymous2021/03/29 16:14 ID: gsp8wjo

Posting JK Simmons doing the lemons speech. His performance really made it special.

ID: gspdhst

I prefer the in-game version with GladOS' commentary. The actual speech is a minute in, but the lead-up is good context.

ID: gspfsgq

"YEEAH! Take the lemons!"

"Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!"

Oh, Caroline.

ID: gspq1kh

"Oh, I like this guy!" Lol.

8 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:59 ID: gsp70j3

All these spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats.

Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough, or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.

Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into a calculator, it makes a happy face.

ID: gsptnoh

Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

ID: gspvn8w

Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain.

There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it.

I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction

ID: gspclfz

Science isn't about why, it's why not!

ID: gspprn0

Man I can still hear J.K. Simmons saying all this. His performance is excellent.

9 : Anonymous2021/03/29 12:23 ID: gsohoz4

"when life gives you a bunch of lemons, you gotta jam 'em down someone's throat until they see yellow."

-Frank Reynolds

ID: gsoi58u

“And if some punk ass kid humiliates you, you've got to do the only thing thats left to do!”

ID: gspapwq


Frank Reynolds
10 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:01 ID: gsozj6x

This was literally the best voice line segments of the game his rage over lemons and combustible lemons lol

11 : Anonymous2021/03/29 12:10 ID: gsogi7b

Thats quite hard to burn the lemons i dont belive anyone has even worked out the self ignition temperature of lemon juice.

ID: gsogs16

Well Cave Johnson did say he was going to have his engineers create a combustible lemon. We just never find out due to the curse of 3 with valve.

ID: gsoj8ve

Half-Life Alyx apparently got their gears going again for game design. I want to see a VR portal game

12 : Anonymous2021/03/29 16:09 ID: gsp8bbl

The beautiful thing is, life never gave us lemons. They’re not a naturally occurring fruit, but a man-made hybrid. We gave ourselves lemons, and we said, “yes, we like these sour, acidic bastards, and we’re going to eat them 100 different ways, and we’re going to harvest their acid for 100 different purposes, because we’re the masters of our own destinies and the dynamic human spirit refuses to submit.”

So when you see a lemon, feel proud. We did that.

13 : Anonymous2021/03/29 16:40 ID: gspcbpr

Cave Johnson made incendiary lemons. He turned lemons into incendiary grenades. Life gave him lemons, and he made lemonades.

14 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:44 ID: gsp54mw

I have a combustible lemons rant shower curtain. It's my favorite thing in my apartment.

15 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:49 ID: gsp5rt5

Yeah! He’s speaking what we’re all feeling!

16 : Anonymous2021/03/29 16:31 ID: gspb7sf

Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!”

17 : Anonymous2021/03/29 15:29 ID: gsp35va

Sad cave Johnson noise


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